1) The irony in the way the speaker describes the first-grade boys at her son's party is how she describes them as men, when in actuality they are only young (first graders at that). Somewhat this makes them seem as though they are boys wanting to be men, the older they get the tougher they become.
2) The other irony the author underscores in the last two lines is how the children resemble generals, once again older men, but they are grouping around in a way of celebration or party games. "They relax and get down to playing war," this might interpret the start of festivities.
3) The mother does not sentimentalize her own son by seing him better than the others, but just as it is his day to be celebrated. Everyone on their birthday is normally treated better than others. It is a day that only comes once a year.
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Good job, except that this was also supposed to include reflections on A&P and Olds' other poem.
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